Friday, August 19, 2011

The Place I Never Thought I Would Be

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would wind up being a single mom. Worse yet that my daughter's father wouldn't be in the picture at all. Truth be told I refer to him as either Mr. Wonderful or her DNA Donor. We were never really together just having fun.

That fun turned into quite the surprise. I have to admit she is absolutely gorgeous though. Every time I look at her.. I am in total awe. Seriously what started off the size of a pea became my Monkey Toes. A nickname she will kill me for someday.

I actually don't hate him for choosing not to be in our lives. I honestly have no desire to have a relationship with him. We have a child together and that's enough for me. Plus I don't need a man in my life to define me. I hope Monkey Toes inherits that feeling.

He has chosen to walk a way and know absolutely nothing about us. In fact he doesn't even know we have a daughter. He just knows I had my baby. I didn't feel like he deserved to know. If he wants to know anything then he's going to have to ask. Maybe that makes me a bi**h. I am not really sure I care what he thinks.

The part that hurts is someday she will know he never wanted her. I hate that for her. I realize one day she will ask about him. I am going to have explain to her that he wasn't in a place to be a part of her life. That he did the best thing for her and stayed a way. Plus she has an amazing godfather who loves her as much as any biological father could. She has Guncles who will always be there and love her.

So now I am a single mother trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. Do I go after him for child support? Right now I am trying to do what is best for her. I have to financially support her and have no clue how I am going to pay all of her bills. All I know is that I will do it because I have to. Most importantly I want to give her the world.





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