My Biggest Fear..

has happened. I have become all of the things I said I would never be. No one can ever prepare you for all of the changes a baby will bring into your life. I knew chosing to become a mom would be a major lifestyle change. The moment I found out I was pregnant I began to change as a person. In an instant everything in my universe changed. The weird part is you don't even question it or look back. Now that she's here I don't have time to look back. I am lucky to be dressed in matching clothes and brush my teeth two hours after I get out of bed. While I was pregnant I never thought I would be this person. Truth be told I never imagined my life would become so boring. The crazy part is I don't even really miss my old life. I do however miss sleep. I miss being able to hit the snooze button. I really miss being able to lay in bed all day and read. MT will have no part of that she tells me to get my lazy butt out of bed and cater to her. Before MT was born I had what I am told were the craziest fears. I was terrified that she would hate me. No one could convince me otherwise. I knew that her dislike for me was going to mean that we would never bond. That she would then be scarred for life and grow up to be a serial killer. People were going to blame because after all it's always the mother's fault. Especially considering my daughter's DNA donor isn't in the picture. Which gave me another fear that my daughter was going to grow up to become everything that Republican's say about single mom's. Even though I am not on welfare. I realize that none of these things even are remotely logical. I can even laugh at how out there I was. My daughter and I have bonded and so far she doesn't hate me. I accept the fact that in about 14 years I will be the enemy. That I will be ruining her life when I tell her no. In the meantime I am enjoying my daughter. Hearing her laugh makes my day. All day at work I countdown till I can see her. Trust me there's nothing better than seeing your baby at the end of the day. One smile means your entire day of working your ass off is worth it.