True Colors

Its amazing how you think you know someone. How you can share all of your hopes, secrets and innermost thoughts. You honestly believe you truly know this person. You see their faults but love and accept them anyway. This can be a friend or even a lover. I think it feels more like a betrayal when you were naked at the time but that's my opinion Recently I finally had to accept someone for who they really were. Oddly enough it didn't hurt as much as I imagined it would. For the first time I finally have peace and I accept that sometimes you can't save everyone. Which sucks because sometimes you wish you could speed things up and push someone into a volcano. Which is frowned upon and because of karma I don't do it. I may dream about it but alas I don't do it. Truth be told I am finally happy. Which by the way makes me reevaluate all of my past decisions. I have made some hideous choices. I recently had a friend tell me "your taste in men really sucks and well your taste in women sucks too." I have to be honest I have dated and slept with some major fixer uppers. I am still not sure what in the hell I was thinking. I plan on telling my daughter that this is exactly why you shouldn't ever take up drinking. I plan on blaming some of my past on alcohol. This is why I will never be a parenting expert. I plan on being honest with her. I had the ultimate slap in the face recently. I heard from my addiction by the way I am happy to say I haven't caved. Mainly because well I know I deserve better. I don't want my daughter to think its ok for someone to treat you like less than you deserve. Personally I feel like I am worth at least a Bentley and a couture fitting. I don't deserve someone asking me to be the person they want to cheat on their girlfriend with. What does that say about me? That there was a time when I was so desperate for approval from someone that I disregarded who I was and how I felt. That and I am apparently pretty good in bed. Oddly enough several people from my past have popped up. Weird how being happy sends out a signal and people come out of the woodwork to bring you down. In fact I recently learned an ex lied about when their birth day is. Not by a lot but by less than two weeks. Who does that? So know I am going to ask the universe to let me please have my dignity back. Mainly because now I am horrified that I did a lot of morally wrong things to someone on his birthday when it wasn't even his freaking birthday. Part of me wishes I could tell him the truth I didn't even put all of my effort in it. In fact sometimes I was bored during the act and thought what the hell am I doing. It is amazing what time heals. I am going to continue moving on being something my exes have yet to achieve and that's happiness. The best revenge is to live well. I plan on truly enjoying decadence. I hope someone else continues to enjoy their vanilla ice cream. My past is no longer my future.